so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
