I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I will die if light touches me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
