What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
