idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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