haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
