cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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