She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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