First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
