I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize