u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
