you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Drunk is not a location!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
