Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
