Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
two words...techno handjob
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
