my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
