i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
