that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
