Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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