I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT