Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
