DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you will always have a special place in my vag
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
