Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
