we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
