Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
