My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Let's paint friendship bongs
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
