There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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