You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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