I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
