Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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