Im at strip club and am horny
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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