i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
