Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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