i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
