seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
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Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
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We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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