I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
