Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
