I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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