Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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