her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
