Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize