Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
