I want to walk on stilts...naked
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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