..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
