I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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