I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she told me i tasted like america
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
