on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
