it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
