Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
