i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
