i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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