: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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