Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
