...so i touched it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
