naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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