Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
