we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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