and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
