I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
