omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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