there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
