yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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